At the time I was the First Officer - and only SCS member - aboard so I felt draconian measures were necessary to ensure proper law and order. Coincidentally, one of the biggest perpetrators now holds the same position that I did then...Memo to all Chimaera Officers:
Due to the actions of several squadron leaders aboard the ship, I have decided that Christmas is henceforth to be canceled. Please plan accordingly.
Additionally, the nature of the situation demands I make some further specifications:
1) Bread pudding is *NOT* an acceptable form of lubricant for the bearings in Main Engineering.
2) Christmas tree lights are draining the ship's power. When all the tree lights are on, there is a 13% drop in the shields. Unacceptable.
3) The use of "christmas ham" in the reports of several officers is unacceptable.
4) Everyone is drunk all the time. This would not be so bad if people didn't start drinking at 0730 every morning.
5) The Grand Admiral recently came to my quarters to ask me about something, and he was unable to get in because of the large evergreen in my office. He was most displeased.
6) General Rala is no longer allowed to decorate the trees, since the last time he did all he put on were little pictures of elephants and fresh donuts. Then he ate the tree.
7) The ships library is *NOT* a stable for reindeer.
8) The mess deck does not mean that is where you can put the excrement of said reindeer.
9) The exchange of so-called gifts is deemed to be unsafe and will be discontinued (Vortagh, now I know what you meant about the poison anvil and scorpion trick)
10) New Years will take place as normal - unless someone turns my office into a swimming pool of champagne.
That is all.
Merry Christmas to the entire GE!