BREAKING NEWS: Kidnapping!

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AD Polanski
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BREAKING NEWS: Kidnapping!

Post by AD Polanski »

We have breaking news for the Empire...
Secret GENA on-the-ship-reporter-eating-donuts wrote:Reports are coming in from the ISD Nemesis Mobile Army HQ that a kidnapping, and possible homicide have taken place.

This afternoon, whilst General Jansen was in a multi-divisonal donut training seminar with ISB General Rala, an as yet unidentified assilant broke into the good General's Office and in a remarkable act, Jacob Junior has been kidnapped from his cage and replaced with a smaller, fluffly substitute (unconfirmed reports have initially suggested that this substitute in fact runs on duracell batteries and is pink).

With little clues and no appear motive, we must wait and see what the ISB agents can pull off this crime scene to help identify the culprit. ISB-GEN Rala was quoted earlier in saying (between donut bites) that "this was most unfortunate" and promised his best efforts in fixing this situation.

We must now wait on the teams working around the clock for 1 hour a day to bring up clues, and we can only wait with baited breath for the culprit to reveal themselves and perhaps make demands.
Yes, it's time for the Galactic Empire Mystery No < insert here >. For those unfamiliar....an age ago we have several mysteries such as above, and you must take part to see if you can solve it to find the culprit. He/she could be any of us (perhaps even General Jansen - who knows??) and you must wait for clues to appear. Anything is possible...

May I wish you all the best of luck in this!
Last edited by AD Polanski on Wed Oct 06, 2004 12:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Falen »

Woohoo... Sounds exciting! :-P
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Calder
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Post by Calder »

For our part, the ISD Chimaera and its escorts have already arrived at the location of the Nemesis and we are assisting in a detailed investigation. While we may have some leads, that information is currently classified.
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Post by Guest »

I'm in for it... seems fun
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Post by EF Quorl Dalon »

More than fun, awesome!!!!!
that information is currently classified.
I bet the senior fleet officer would tell me to hack into command's computer to find out that classified info! :P
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Post by LC La Forge »

Har har, he would not. I barely get access to that information myself. :P
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AD Polanski
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Post by AD Polanski »

We've had an interesting two interesting developments. The first is the official view of Dr Bumpkin, the on ship psychiatrist of the ISD Nemesis
Dr Bumpkin wrote:Well, after careful examination of the crime scene, it appears our culprit is either clinically insane, or normal just like one of us.
Perhap more useful is the following piece of information, from Iwit Ness, an NCO who was passing close to the area at the time in question.
Iwit Ness wrote:I saw a person...quite large, who I guess was running out of the General's office. It appeared like to be like that....scary was that...thing following behind. Somehow I managed to notice that the culprit was wearing odd boots: I think it was a Naval left boot, and Army standard issue right boot....although I was quite far away
So there we have it, the plot thickens! Who could get access to such an array of boots? Why would anyone kidnapp Jacob Jr. ? What could the possible motive be?

Further clues to be given out as results come back on from the lab...
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Post by Wedge »

Were at what, 6 now 7? Why don't we just call it number 6 and leave it at that? Or should we just call it RE Mystery #1? :P

And based on the evidence avaliable, I accuse Commander La Forge!
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Post by Jagged Fel »

We're apparently dealing with a clone, who isn't smart enough to use only one pair of boots :P
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Post by Calder »

Is it too early to figure out who did it?

I can think of only a single officer who fits that description and would still have lingering animosity against Jacob Jr.
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Post by LC La Forge »

Well, I certainly wasn't there. Calder likes to keep me busy onboard this wonderful ship. And besides, Wedge, like you said, like last time I tried to get onboard the Nemesis, someone started shooting. :P
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Post by Calder »

I'm not sure if this will help, but when the Chimaera recently transferred the rancor to General Jansen's new abode, there was an "incident", which I made a log of. Unfortunately, I had to edit some of the log because of certain...uh...classified bits:

Captain's personal log: We picked up that [expletive deleted] rancor today at the Academy. God that thing smells like [expletive deleted]. Then, to make it worse, Rala fed the [expletive deleted] thing some [expletive deleted] chili! I mean [expletive deleted]! What the [expletive deleted] was he thinking? Now the whole [expletive deleted][expletive deleted] and [expletive deleted]! Really!

So there I am, walking down the passageway, smelling like [expletive deleted] and covered in rancor [expletive deleted] when who should I run into but Polanski AND that cute girl who just got assigned to Avionics. I mean really, [expletive deleted] and [expletive deleted]. I'll tell you what I'd like to do to her...[expletive deleted][expletive deleted] and then some [expletive deleted] with a little [expletive deleted] thrown in for good measure. Of course, I'm really gonna [expletive deleted] Rala up when I see him. The Admiral laughed at me, that sick [expletive deleted] and the girl thought I was just some senile old captain who [expletive deleted] his [expletive deleted] pants.

I just can't get over how much that thing stank! My god, I didn't think ANY animal - even a rancor - could make such a [expletive deleted] mess of [expletive deleted]. Not only did it stink, but it was EVERYWHERE! I mean, rancor [expletive deleted] piled up to the rafters! How much chili did Rala feed the damned thing? I've never seen so much rancor [expletive deleted] before in my life, and that's saying a lot since I've seen a lot of rancor [expletive deleted].

Maybe by the time we get to the Nemesis I'll have this [expletive deleted] cleaned up and I won't smell like [expletive deleted][expletive deleted] because if Fel [expletive deleted] saw this he'd [expletive deleted] his [expletive deleted][expletive deleted].

Anyway, I'm not dealing with the [expletive deleted] rancor again. Jansen can kiss my [expletive deleted] if he thinks I'm going to go through this trouble twice. It'll take the Army AND the Navy to get me to handle that rancor on the way out. I have it locked up in one of the hangars now, and I'm sending ensigns in to clean the [expletive deleted] up every hour or so...and even then it's dangerous. I've lost twelve ensigns so far: the rancor ate five of the poor [expletive deleted] and the other seven passed out from the [expletive deleted] gas. I had to send the next batch in with [expletive deleted] tranquilizers and [expletive deleted] space suits. Do you have any idea how [expletive deleted] expensive this is? Jansen owes me big time. I hope his [expletive deleted] rancor develops a [expletive deleted][expletive deleted] ulcer and [expletive deleted] the bed.

Who keeps a [expletive deleted] rancor as a pet anyway?

Anyway, I'm not sure if that will help, but it was the last I had to do with the rancor. Maybe someone can use this information.
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RES Mitchell
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Post by RES Mitchell »

Were you taking those benzedrine tablets I recovered in one of my routine searches again, sir? I really should just keep the drugs I confiscate instead of giving them to you, because we now know what happens when the Senior Fleet Officer gets kicked out on amphetamines...
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Post by Calder »

I don't do drugs, Sergeant. Never have and I never will. The only drugs I take are prescribed to me by my ship's physician and I wash them down with enormous quantities of alcohol. So if you're curious what my vice is, then that's it: the sauce.
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RES Mitchell
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Post by RES Mitchell »

Alright, sir, I understand. Just don't make me do one of my routine searches on your suite. One misplaced bottle of ANYTHING could ruin an officer's career. Just look at Lt. Solidis for proof of that...he was whining about some Fourth Amendment as he was being dragged off to Cell Block D. What the hell was he talking about?
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